I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
