I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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