there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
