I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
