Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
