So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
