Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
