Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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