I'd wear matching sweaters with you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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