Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
