The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
