I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
