i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
