I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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