Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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