I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize