I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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