it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
