Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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