I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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