ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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