so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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