we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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