i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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