You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
