I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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