Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
