I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize