Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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