My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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