let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
