And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
