After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
