Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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