Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
