dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
