My girlfriend figured out who you are.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
