Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
