I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
