hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
