that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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