all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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