"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
