So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
