sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
MIDGETS
????
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
