i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
