Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
