He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
