I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
