What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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