Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
