I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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