So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
