i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
