I've blown a few things in my day
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
