margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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