So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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