Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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