i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
