You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize