my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
