I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
