Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize