I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The uberlube is also flammable
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
