I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize