Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
