Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
