Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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