I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
