there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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