I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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