I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
