Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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