do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
