In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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